Seven Reasons to Have a Foreign Fling

07.30.08 | 11:52 AM ET

Whether it’s a brief liaison sparked between strangers in a strange land or a full-blown intercontinental relationship complete with text-messaging bills and regularly scheduled airport departure-lounge drama, a foreign fling is an affair to remember. 

In the beginning, at least, an international romance can play out with all the subtitled allure of the best foreign film—full of innuendo and curiosity, and brightened by the nuances of language and cultural differences. And with Hollywood endings rare between lovers who live in distant lands, the passion factor can run particularly high—while it lasts.

Herewith, seven reasons—some admittedly more serious than others—for giving romance across borders a go:

7) The World Feels Smaller

The emotional differences between a Swedish man and an American woman can seem daunting in Stockholm or San Francisco. But set out for Morocco or Malaysia to travel together, and, chances are, you’ll discover you have a lot more in common than you thought.

6) It’s the Fast Track to Learning a New Language

Clichéd, but true. Forget using Rosetta Stone or schlepping to night school. There are few better ways to motivate yourself to learn a foreign language than by discovering the limits of the international one. Spend more than a few weeks with your lover in his or her native country, and you’ll soon realize that the language of love doesn’t cut it for long. One long dinner spent sitting for hours with a clueless smile plastered on your face—pretending to enjoy yourself while your beloved struggles to translate the punch lines, hence missing all the fun, too—is sure inspiration for finally buckling down and learning French, Spanish, Greek, whatever.

5) Need Some Space? Take a Continent.

Sure, the logistics of spending time together while maintaining jobs and relationships in your home countries can seriously strain things. But sometimes the highs of being together followed by the lows of being apart can feed the fire even more than day-to-day stability—leaving you plenty of time to grow as an individual, too. Despite much forced time apart from her Irish boyfriend due to the distance, Mary Wisneski of Asheville, NC, said she can see the benefits of the situation, too. “It’s nice to know there is someone that loves me but isn’t glued to me, if that makes sense,” Wisneski wrote in an email. “I know I don’t want to be with anyone else, so I really get to focus and enjoy what I’m doing right now. Then, every couple months, I get to spend a few weeks with someone I love, somewhere different.”

4) It Breaks Down Stereotypes, for Better or Worse

Think all French men are natural-born lovers? Or all American women are high-maintenance and addicted to US Weekly? Falling for someone is a surefire way to discover which stereotypes are true and which couldn’t be further from reality. 

3) You’re Forced to Communicate More Clearly and Fairly

In his book, “The Global Soul,” Pico Iyer wrote that sharing no “public tongue” with his Japanese partner leaves them “free, for the most part, from subtexts and from the shadows and hidden stings that words can carry.”

“I can’t make puns with her, spin ambiguities, or engage in very much verbal subterfuge, and she can’t pore over my words to see what they mean or don’t mean, what covert weapons they hide or betray,” he writes. “Speaking across a language gap means speaking less to win than to communicate.”

2) It Boosts Self-Esteem

Back home in Poughkeepsie, it’s hard to feel exotic. But it’s amazing what capturing a foreigner’s interest can do for your ego. And let’s face it, seeing your all-American affinity for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches turned into something quirky and cute is just what some of us need to feel special. At home, your verbal acuity may be barely average. But suddenly, with your Czech lover, you’re an authority on the English language, and nearly every phrase you utter can inspire delight.

A well-traveled friend of mine put it best:

“Back home you’re sullen, you’re a workaholic, you’re a bit shy around girls. But here you are, doing the funky chicken on a dance floor in Ljubljana with some cute Slovenian girl.”

1) You Might Hear Terms of Endearment That Are Seriously Swoon-Worthy

Babe, sweetheart, darling and pookie bear certainly have their places in the lexicon of love. But you’d be surprised how sweet harsh languages such as German and Arabic sound when uttered from a lover’s lips.

A few great international sweet nothings:

Spanish: Mi vida (my life)
German: Schneckchen (little snail)
Arabic: Habibi (my love)
French: Mon petit chou (my little cabbage)

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