Speedos, Bell Hops, Andean Flute Music, Oh My!
Tom Swick: Contemplating and celebrating the world of travel
05.18.09 | 10:47 AM ET
iStockPhotoReading Christopher Elliott’s recent piece on the top five travel phobias got me thinking about fear on the road, and made me realize he’d only scratched the surface:
Fear of choosing a loser destination.
The lingering fear, after all this time, of the insubstantiality of e-tickets.
Fear of transgression-prone seatmates.
Fear of complimentary snacks.
Fear of schoolmarmish flight attendants.
Fear of failing to return your seatback to its full upright position.
Fear of forgetting, in the excitement of arrival, to send a tweet announcing your arrival.
Fear of cab drivers.
Fear of bell hops.
Fear of hotel receptionists finding no record of your reservation.
Fear of spousal regard.
Fear of luggage handle bruises in the area of the hip.
Fear of bed & breakfasts.
Fear of alarm clocks.
Fear of waking up sober with no idea where you are.
Fear of Fodor.
Fear of windows without screens.
Fear of beaches without lifeguards.
Fear of Speedos.
Fear of being a lame ambassador for your country.
Fear of creating an international incident.
Fear of cigarette smoke.
Fear of mimes.
Fear of running into a travel writer and then appearing in his story.
Fear of looking ridiculous.
Fear of stick shifts.
Fear of tour guides.
Fear of being unable, in museums, to refrain from touching.
Fear of having only a vacation and not an adventure.
Fear of cheese.
Fear of professional waiters.
Fear of open-air butcher shops.
Fear of skinned rabbits hanging by their feet.
Fear of organs in camouflaging sauces.
Fear of drinks without ice.
Fear of drinks with ice.
Fear of finding nothing exotic, romantic, quaint or magical.
Fear of talking to people who know more about your country than you know about theirs.
Fear that these people may rise again.
Fear of historical reenactments.
Fear of failing to look impressed.
Fear of souvenirs.
Fear of Andean flute music.
Fear of improper English.
Fear of not taking enough pictures of neatly-stacked vegetables.
Fear of confusing the name of a local delicacy with the name of the first lady.
Fear of drinking too much solely as a gesture of peace and friendship.
Fear of being in close proximity to livestock before your return to U.S. soil.
Fear of coming back with an even narrower mind.
Fear of discovering that the world is in far worse shape than you had imagined.