Colbert to College Graduates: “Don’t Go to Europe to Find Yourself”

Last night on The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert offered some “Sound Advice for College Graduates” based, it would appear, on a painful personal travel experience. If the clip ends up on YouTube, we’ll post it. (Update: It’s been posted temporarily on the Comedy Central Web site) Until then, here are Colbert’s words of travel wisdom in their entirety: “Don’t go to Europe to find yourself. Who told you were over there anyway? You’re far more likely to leave yourself there along with some electronic equipment that gets stolen at a youth hostel in Paris on your last night there.”

He went on:

“Of course, you wanted to leave the night before, but, no, your friend Ted wanted to go to that disco—Le Palace—where you had to pay $18 a cocktail. Eighteen dollars! And you’re buying these Danish girls drinks all night because Ted is so certain you’re going to get some action even though the girls keep chatting up these French bastards. Ted is such a fool! So finally you say f*** this noise and you leave. But then you get back to your hostel and your backpack is stolen along with your Walkman and your Siouxsie and the Banshees tapes. So you wait up all night for Ted because you just want to catch the first train the hell out of there. But he doesn’t even breeze in until 9 a.m. and they close the hostel at 8. You’re kicked out on the street. Turns out he hooked up with some girl and they were so drunk they crashed with these Arab guys who live over by that Jim Morrison cemetery. It’s just ridiculous. I didn’t get any action all summer. Bottom line: There’s nothing in Europe you can’t see here. One word: Epcot.”

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