Gifts for the World Traveler

Travel Stories: Get your autographed Geraldo Rivera Signature Travel Pistol while supplies last. Hurry!

12.20.01 | 12:52 AM ET

Full disclosure: This is not W's actual passportFull disclosure: Not W’s passport

With the holidays upon us, you’re probably wondering what to buy the world traveler in your life who has everything. We at World Hum care. What’s more, we read the big glossy magazines, and we know that our competitors are offering you lavish gift guides loaded with doctored photos and penetrating, in-depth articles about important stuff—stuff that, coincidentally, just happens to be made by their advertisers. We at World Hum don’t have advertisers. But we refuse to let that stop us. We will not be bullied! We will not be intimidated! Therefore, we present to you, our loyal readers, the 2001 World Hum travel gift guide.

“DON’T SHOOT ME, I’M CANADIAN” T-SHIRT
You’ve seen them abroad, legions of Canadian backpackers plastered with red and white maple leaf logos, hoping to convince others that, although they may look and sound like ugly Americans, they’re really not. Even some Yankees have taken to the practice, pinning Canadian flags to their fleeces, stitching them to backpacks, festooning baseball caps. They hope the flags will stop an anti-American attack before it happens. But why beat around the bush? Talk directly to the miffed mullahs and torch-wielding mobs with these bold, red-and-white T-shirts. “Don’t Shoot Me, I’m Canadian” says it all.

THE GEORGE W. BUSH PASSPORT EXPANDER KIT
So many countries, so few pages for stamps in your passport. An avid traveler could fill it up in no time. Fortunately, you don’t have to go through the bureaucratic hurdles and sit for yet another mug shot to get a replacement. United States President George W. Bush has stacks of blank pages in his passport from trips abroad he never took. World Hum has gained exclusive access to his extras, and we offer them to you here, for the first time. Books of ten: $12.95. Twenty percent discount for “Grecians” and “Kosovians.”

AUSTRALIAN-TO-ENGLISH PORTABLE ELECTRONIC DICTIONARY
Australia claims only 18 million citizens, but at any given time, there are at least 74 million of them traveling the world. They’re everywhere, and they’ve always got a story to tell. Trouble is, they can be extremely difficult to understand. Australians have developed thousands of unique words—“bitumen,” “dinkum,” “mozzie,” among them—unknown to most English speakers. The reasons for this have to do with the nature of linguistics, the history of European expansionism and the really gross salty stuff they spread on bread. The point is this: With the Australian-English Portable Electronic Dictionary, you or the traveler in your life will never be left in the dark again. Simply whip the device out of a pocket, punch in any one of the 5,462 entries, and respond with a hearty, “She’ll be right!” Net weight: 4.3 grams.

PAINT-BY-NUMBERS WORLD MAP
If you’re American (and we are, so we know), you’ve heard of a lot of exotic countries, like Sweden, but you don’t know where they are. It’s not your fault. World geography has never been a priority in the United States. Why should it be? This is the nation that brought the world microwaveable popcorn, the World Wrestling Federation and sizzling hot Baywatch. Let them come to us, right? But we Americans learned this year the tragic consequences of such isolationism. Many of us also realized that we’ve always wanted to paint. The Paint-By-Numbers World Map satisfies the traveler and geography student who also yearns to explore an untapped artistic side.

GERALDO RIVERA SIGNATURE TRAVEL PISTOL
People don’t give the gift of firearms as often as they used to. That’s a shame. The world is a dangerous place. You never know what kind of hooligans you’ll run into traveling to far-flung spots like Algeria, Cambodia and Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco. By announcing to colleagues recently that he’s packing heat in Afghanistan, FOX News war correspondent Geraldo Rivera, the Wyatt Earp of American journalism, has demonstrated to us all that “shooting the locals” doesn’t just have to be the domain of travel photographers. Autographed models available in limited supply.

THE SKIPPY CAMELBAK
For Americans traveling in a strange country, still wearing the same clothes they were wearing two days ago, missing their Lhasa Apso, waiting for a bus in the rain, nothing says relief like a big, tasty mouthful of peanut butter. Don’t let someone you love travel without this comfort-food staple, or worse, let them waste their money on some cheap, off-color international imitation like “peanut cream.” Get them the Skippy CamelBak, five liters of gooey, sugary peanut butter goodness that comes in a squeezable backpack container. Crunchy style not available.



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