Seven Reasons to Have a Foreign Fling
Lists: Sure, having an overseas romance is fun. But Terry Ward points out seven other benefits to cross-border love, mon petit chou.
07.30.08 | 11:52 AM ET
iStockPhotoWhether it’s a brief liaison sparked between strangers in a strange land or a full-blown intercontinental relationship complete with text-messaging bills and regularly scheduled airport departure-lounge drama, a foreign fling is an affair to remember.
In the beginning, at least, an international romance can play out with all the subtitled allure of the best foreign film—full of innuendo and curiosity, and brightened by the nuances of language and cultural differences. And with Hollywood endings rare between lovers who live in distant lands, the passion factor can run particularly high—while it lasts.
Herewith, seven reasons—some admittedly more serious than others—for giving romance across borders a go:
7) The World Feels Smaller
The emotional differences between a Swedish man and an American woman can seem daunting in Stockholm or San Francisco. But set out for Morocco or Malaysia to travel together, and, chances are, you’ll discover you have a lot more in common than you thought.
6) It’s the Fast Track to Learning a New Language
Clichéd, but true. Forget using Rosetta Stone or schlepping to night school. There are few better ways to motivate yourself to learn a foreign language than by discovering the limits of the international one. Spend more than a few weeks with your lover in his or her native country, and you’ll soon realize that the language of love doesn’t cut it for long. One long dinner spent sitting for hours with a clueless smile plastered on your face—pretending to enjoy yourself while your beloved struggles to translate the punch lines, hence missing all the fun, too—is sure inspiration for finally buckling down and learning French, Spanish, Greek, whatever.
5) Need Some Space? Take a Continent.
Sure, the logistics of spending time together while maintaining jobs and relationships in your home countries can seriously strain things. But sometimes the highs of being together followed by the lows of being apart can feed the fire even more than day-to-day stability—leaving you plenty of time to grow as an individual, too. Despite much forced time apart from her Irish boyfriend due to the distance, Mary Wisneski of Asheville, NC, said she can see the benefits of the situation, too. “It’s nice to know there is someone that loves me but isn’t glued to me, if that makes sense,” Wisneski wrote in an email. “I know I don’t want to be with anyone else, so I really get to focus and enjoy what I’m doing right now. Then, every couple months, I get to spend a few weeks with someone I love, somewhere different.”
4) It Breaks Down Stereotypes, for Better or Worse
Think all French men are natural-born lovers? Or all American women are high-maintenance and addicted to US Weekly? Falling for someone is a surefire way to discover which stereotypes are true and which couldn’t be further from reality.
3) You’re Forced to Communicate More Clearly and Fairly
In his book, “The Global Soul,” Pico Iyer wrote that sharing no “public tongue” with his Japanese partner leaves them “free, for the most part, from subtexts and from the shadows and hidden stings that words can carry.”
“I can’t make puns with her, spin ambiguities, or engage in very much verbal subterfuge, and she can’t pore over my words to see what they mean or don’t mean, what covert weapons they hide or betray,” he writes. “Speaking across a language gap means speaking less to win than to communicate.”
2) It Boosts Self-Esteem
Back home in Poughkeepsie, it’s hard to feel exotic. But it’s amazing what capturing a foreigner’s interest can do for your ego. And let’s face it, seeing your all-American affinity for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches turned into something quirky and cute is just what some of us need to feel special. At home, your verbal acuity may be barely average. But suddenly, with your Czech lover, you’re an authority on the English language, and nearly every phrase you utter can inspire delight.
A well-traveled friend of mine put it best:
“Back home you’re sullen, you’re a workaholic, you’re a bit shy around girls. But here you are, doing the funky chicken on a dance floor in Ljubljana with some cute Slovenian girl.”
1) You Might Hear Terms of Endearment That Are Seriously Swoon-Worthy
Babe, sweetheart, darling and pookie bear certainly have their places in the lexicon of love. But you’d be surprised how sweet harsh languages such as German and Arabic sound when uttered from a lover’s lips.
A few great international sweet nothings:
Spanish: Mi vida (my life)
German: Schneckchen (little snail)
Arabic: Habibi (my love)
French: Mon petit chou (my little cabbage)
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Terry Ward is a Florida-based writer and a long-time contributor to World Hum.
Tiffany L. 07.31.08 | 11:16 PM ET
I think this kind of thing is possible, but I am sure it’s not easy. I know it can work because one of my best friends met her husband online. He’s from Australia and she from the USA. She actually moved down there and now they’re married with an adorable baby boy. It was pretty courageous of her to do that.
D 08.01.08 | 1:35 AM ET
I had a foreign fling when I was studying abroad in Spain. I met a gorgeous Brazilian woman. She was the nanny for the owner of a bar I frequented while on one of my many week long excursions around the country. She spoke English, Spanish, Portuguese and Italian. It is both beautiful and arousing to hear all of those languages in a loving manner. It was fun and we went our separate ways after the trilling week. Out of all of my many travel experiences, it is one of my most fond.
Joan 08.01.08 | 1:58 AM ET
This is possible!!! I met my husband online.I’m from Philippines and he’s from US. I moved in the US and very happy with each other. :)
Camels & Chocolate 08.04.08 | 1:57 AM ET
Love it, Terry! After all, I met Scott as a foreign fling!
Teresa 08.04.08 | 2:37 AM ET
Aloha,
This sounds like a great idea to me!
nadine dohring 08.16.08 | 9:25 PM ET
great list…all true! i met the love of my life last year in buenos aires…at a supermarket. he doesn’t speak english…i didn’t speak spanish…we spent 3 months together with a dictionary in between us. i returned to australia, realized that i couldn’t be without him, he couldn’t be without me….i returned 6 months later. that was nearly 6 months ago. i now live in buenos aires, speak spanish, try to teach him english…and we’re so in love its ridiculous! what i thought was going to be a fling for a few days ended up changing my life, and his, forever. i now have this beautiful argentine life i never could have dreamed of… i can’t wait to show him where i come from…vancouver canada, and continue to travel and seek other cultures with him. though, i will say that its not always easy. our cultural differences can be pretty huge sometimes. but… definitely worth it.
bradley 08.19.08 | 11:30 PM ET
I lived in Thailand for 9 years, and at the beginning of my second year there I met a wonderful girl. We were together for 7 years, and while my Thai language skills never approached fluency, I was nonetheless able to jump in a taxi and spend 30 minutes with a taxi driver talking about politics, love, work, drugs, beach combing, the Prime Minister, and many other topics.
Of the above list, only #5 doesn’t apply to what was the best relationship I ever had. (Why didn’t I marry her? dummy… dummy… dummy…)
Rebecca 08.25.08 | 6:51 PM ET
This is possible. Who says that Mr. or Ms. right is in your backyard? He or she may be in another country. It would be great to find out!
Sarah 09.04.08 | 9:52 AM ET
A word of caution though - be sure to keep in mind the views the other person’s culture has on relationships. Words or actions that may mean “fling” in one culture may “fiancee” in the other. Something to keep in mind if your only thinking of this as something short term.
Tim Patterson 09.09.08 | 12:57 AM ET
I think foreign flings are great, so long as both parties know what they’re getting into and how serious their partner is about a lasting commitment.
Joyce Hanson 10.26.08 | 3:29 PM ET
Terms of endearment in England that we don’t use in the USA: “angel” and “petal.” I know this because I had a fabulous fling with a Brit eight years ago while I was living in London. He’s been my husband for the last five years.
Jenny 10.28.08 | 10:21 PM ET
Cross-cultural dating certainly opens up a whole new dimension of a place and a people that you might never experience otherwise no matter how long you live in the country. I dated two Russian guys when I was there for nearly all of last year, one of whom I’m still with, and, whether we were/are in the middle of a wonderful or a frustrating spell, every day has been fascinating. For instance, I’ve never received a petal pink e-card with a teddy bear singing a friendship song on it from an American ex-boyfriend before (and no, it wasn’t a joke!) :-)
emirie 11.16.08 | 7:35 AM ET
I am married to a foreigner and I agree that when your partner speaks different language from you, you will be force to learn their language fast especially your away from your own country.
Ana van Gilst 07.12.10 | 4:33 PM ET
I had a foreign fling in 1996. I am braziling and he is Dutch and met in the USA. We have been married for 12 years.
Andrea 07.12.10 | 4:53 PM ET
I had a fling with a lovely lad I met when traveling in the Himalayas. There have been many benefits to our continuing long distance friendship. Point #3 comes into effect: I have learned to be less cynical and sarcastic in my communications since that kind of talk just doesn’t fly there. His ever-positive Vajrayana attitude is slowly making me a less crabby person.
Plus, I enjoy being referred to with cute Dzongkha nicknames like “yethro lham” (‘special beloved’ or ‘beautiful’ soul or something similarly squee-worthy).
travel northern europe 07.13.10 | 2:45 PM ET
I think future of any relationship depends upon the bonding and love between two and rest all barriers can be overcome. In this way two people of different culture come close to each other. Thanks for this post and informing us various facts
Grizzly Bear Mom 07.13.10 | 3:26 PM ET
Have you ever heard that distance makes the heart grow fonder…of someone else? Mine didn’t work. Much admiration to those of you for whom it did. Jenny, does your Ruskie have a brother?
Travel-Writers-Exchange.com 07.14.10 | 10:40 AM ET
Having a fling could be intriguing and romantic as long as you don’t get attached. Most women build up relationships in their mind. Guys are the opposite. As long as you know it’s a fling, you won’t get hurt.
suzie 07.16.10 | 3:50 PM ET
In 2006, I had a 2 day fling with the hottest guy I’ve ever seen in my life. He’s German. I am American. I was backpacking through Europe. I caught him checking me out at Oktoberfest.
We visited each other every 2-3 months for the next 3 years. Then he moved in with me for 5 months in NYC. Then I lived with him for 5 months in Germany. We got married in April and are now living in the US. Best thing that ever happened to me.
Layne 07.17.10 | 11:24 AM ET
True, true, true. Especially #3: “Speaking across a language gap means speaking less to win than to communicate.” Having a relationship in a second language with my Argentine boyfriend meant no room for nonsensical processing and lots of room for sincerity.
Another reason for falling in love with a local in a foreign city? S/he can expose you to people, places, ideas that would take years to discover on your own. (And in so doing, your lover often rediscovers the wonder of where s/he’s from.)
Steve 07.24.10 | 7:58 PM ET
Ah, yes. Nothing like meeting up with that Parisian woman of your dreams.
But even better than having a foreign fling is to date an international flight attendant
Andrew 07.25.10 | 11:27 AM ET
Those sweet nothings are useful at home or abroad!
Adam McKay 07.30.10 | 7:48 PM ET
I find that foreign women are much more open to a fling than American women. I am not trying to stereotype but that has been my experience. Short term overseas romances have a lot less emotional entanglement. I think it’s because of the open views, especially in Europe, that foreign countries have to casual sex and relationships. Much more so than here in the States.